Motivation Monday: How to deal with Imposter syndrome when its making you feel insecure at work
Sometimes, just one slip-up at work can make you second-guess your entire career. Am I even qualified? Why was I hired in the first place? Any minute now my colleagues will realize I don’t belong.
You may know this type of self-doubt as “imposter syndrome,” and it usually has nothing to do with your actual skills, Melissa Robinson-Brown, PhD, licensed psychologist and assistant clinical professor at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City, tells SELF. In fact, research shows that highly accomplished people tend to question their competency the most. That’s because imposter syndrome is about how you feel (not the reality of your abilities), Dr. Robinson-Brown explains: You might think that unless you were perfect, you could’ve done better, or that any success you have is simply luck—not a reflection of your hard work and talent.
While imposter syndrome isn’t an official diagnosis, constantly feeling inadequate can lead to serious mental health struggles, like anxiety and depression. Not to mention, it can trigger unhealthy habits, like negative self-talk, toxic comparisons, and overworking in an effort to “prove” your worth.
You don’t have to be stuck with these insecurities forever, though. Developing full-blown confidence takes time, but the expert tips below can make it easier to quiet the harsh voice in your head.
1. Fight your doubts with facts
Not feeling good enough, smart enough, or experienced enough are just that: Feelings. “They’re not facts,” Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD, a Miami-based clinical psychologist and the author of Perseverance: How Young People Turn Fear into Hope, tells SELF—which is why it’s more productive to consider any actual evidence you have about your work performance.
For instance, keep a running list of your biggest accomplishments (remember how you nailed last week’s presentation?) on your desk. Or dedicate a folder in your inbox to all the positive emails from your manager (like the one where they praised you for jumping on an assignment). “We tend to magnify the negatives and overlook our successes,” Dr. Rubenstein explains. So by challenging self-critical thoughts with hard facts about your achievements, it becomes easier to give yourself the credit you deserve.
2. Get a reality check from a trusted coworker or friend
When nagging doubts creep in, getting a fresh, outside perspective—one that isn’t tainted by your exaggerated, biased thoughts—can keep you grounded.
“Don’t dump your innermost insecurities on just anyone,” Dr. Rubenstein says—meaning, think twice before going to a boss who increases your anxiety or a colleague who just started last week. Instead, “confide in someone you’ve worked well with and trust on a personal level,” she says. You could say something like, “This past week has been so overwhelming. Have you felt that way too?” And if your coworker agrees (“Oh my God, I thought I was the only one!”), their similar experience might reassure you that you’re not the only one struggling.
Outside of the office, chatting with a close friend or family member can also pull you out of your head and remind you that you’re not a phony. Irrational beliefs tend to fester when they’re bottled up, Dr. Robinson-Brown explains: “So, lean on the people who you know will support you, listen without judgment, and affirm you the next time you’re feeling less-than.”
3. Remember who you’re comparing yourself to
Chances are, you’re not measuring yourself against a new intern who’s still learning the ropes. You’re probably trying to be like that impressive senior-level manager with more than a decade of experience under their belt, say, or someone else with a proven track record of success.
“Of course, it’s great to look up to those who are exceptional,” Lisa Orbe-Austin, PhD, author of Own Your Greatness: Overcome Impostor Syndrome, Beat Self-Doubt, and Succeed in Life, tells SELF. But by comparing yourself to other people—especially if they have more experience or a completely different set of responsibilities—you’re setting an unfair standard.
For example, it’s unproductive to judge yourself against someone who’s been at the company two years longer than you (since they’ve had more time to learn, make mistakes, and grow). The same goes for anyone with different financial resources, access to opportunities, or support systems—factors that could have helped them get to where they are today.
“There’s a lot of black-and-white thinking that comes with imposter syndrome—feeling like you’re either perfect or a failure,” Dr. Orbe-Austin says. “But it’s important to know that there’s gray in between too: You can admire others’ accomplishments without downplaying your own.”
4. Strive to be “great enough”—not perfect
Most of us don’t want to be just okay at our jobs: We want to be the best. However, aiming to be good or great (rather than flawless) can be a game changer for your well-being, Dr. Orbe-Austin says.
“The reason perfectionist standards are so problematic is that they’re usually unrealistic,” she explains. So rather than pressuring yourself to achieve the impossible (then beating yourself up when you inevitably don’t), she recommends allowing room for mistakes and shooting for “great enough.” This might mean prioritizing a few key deadlines to complete by the end of the day, rather than staying up late to get ahead on next week’s assignments. Or sharing ideas in a team meeting, even if they’re not completely refined.
“The ‘great enough’ mindset acknowledges that while we have flaws and make human errors, our work can still be excellent without needing to be perfect,” Dr. Orbe-Austin says. And this perspective should relieve some pressure and encourage you to do your best (even if it’s not the best)—and be proud of that.
5. Make an effort to be nice to yourself
If you deal with imposter syndrome regularly, you’re probably used to being your own worst critic. So why not try to break this pattern by practicing a little self-compassion instead?
“When you make a mistake, it’s tempting to talk to yourself like a bully,” Dr. Rubenstein says. “But you need to speak to yourself with kindness—not so much through toxic positivity, but by accepting yourself.” So rather than forcing a smile and reciting affirmations that don’t feel authentic to you, “you can remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can,” Dr. Rubeinstein suggests. Or “simply acknowledge how tough things have been at your job.”
Another beginner-friendly way to practice self-acceptance: Place your hands over your heart when you’re starting to feel overly critical. (This move, Dr. Rubenstein says, can simulate a comforting, reassuring hug.)
6. Embrace an “I don’t know, but I can find out” mindset
Sorry, but you can’t know how to do everything—no matter how smart or capable you are. But rather than letting that fact freak you out, know there’s a way to turn your uncertainty into something more positive.
The next time you’re spiraling because you’re unsure about [insert a super intimidating responsibility here], reframe this moment as a learning opportunity. Don’t know how to tackle an upcoming project that your scary boss is overseeing? No worries, you’ll start with some research today and have a solid plan by the end of the week. Not confident about learning how to [insert another scary skill you have no experience with]? That’s alright, you can always ask your more seasoned work buddy for a little guidance.
“This approach allows people to recognize they can be competent without knowing everything,” Dr. Orbe-Austin says. “It’s about embracing the ability to cope with failure, learn from it, and grow.” And ultimately, that’s what success is all about: Moving forward despite the inevitable setbacks.
7. Make time for nonwork activities that reinforce your worth
Let us remind you: Your career does not define you! It’s easy to lose sight of that (especially in a culture that prizes productivity)—which is why Dr. Robinson-Brown encourages engaging in activities outside of your 9-to-5 that help you recognize your value.
Schedule regular get-togethers with friends who appreciate how funny, cool, and thoughtful you are. If running makes you feel strong and capable, prioritize hitting the pavement or trail. Or find a new hobby that fulfills you. “It’s all about looking at your life as a whole and ensuring you’re not relying on a job to determine how you feel about yourself,” Dr. Rubenstein says. Because sure, your professional achievements may be impressive, but your job is just what you do—it’s not who you are.
Original article appeared on Self